A Digital Detox: How To Live In The Moment

Wake up, check your whatsapp messages. Respond.

You see that you have notifications for some work emails. You read them and notice a tiny anxious knot in your stomach before you’re even out of bed.

You’re in traffic. You sneak a peek at your Facebook notifications.

You’re in a queue at your office canteen. The perfect moment to check who liked your latest Instagram post.

You just spoke to an asshole client. To unwind, you watch your friends’ latest Snapchat stories.

You’ve reached a dead end on your proposal. Just a quick look at your phone to see if she’s responded yet.

You’re at lunch with friends. You check your whatsapp to see when your friend was last online and why they haven’t responded to you. To deal with the frustration, you do a quick browse again of your Facebook newsfeed without even noticing. All while your friends sit there, at the lunch table. “I am listening”, you say.

You’re at a concert of your favourite band. You’re loving it. But you’re observing it through your phone’s screen as you record the performance to post on Facebook later.

You’re back home with your loved ones, watching TV to unwind. Ready for some quality time. What better time than to respond to your unread whatsapp messages? One response turns into an hour long conversation, which turns into a two hour conversation. Not the best quality time you’ve ever had.

Attention not only diverted, but immersed in the digital world.  

The above describes a normal day for me. The above describes a day for the average millennial. Michelle Klein of Facebook has stated that the average millennial checks their phone over 150 times a day. Don’t get me wrong, I love social media as much as the next guy, and see immense value in it.

I just worry that we, as a society, tend to prioritize the people we are not with over the people who are present with us in a given moment. We tend to prioritize the illusion of people’s lives that social media presents, over the reality of lives that we experience on a day to day basis.

Here’s another pattern I’ve noticed in my own life:

I’m happy and I’m present and engaging in the conversation with those around me. I unlock my phone, do a quick browse of Facebook, notice the bright smiles, incredible achievements, dream weddings, paradise holidays and the impenetrable bliss of my friends. Although happy for everyone, I think it’s human nature to immediately compare, and to tend towards feeling negative about ourselves.  This is why I call it an illusion, because we tend to post snapshots of our best times on social media. What we see on the digital world is maybe 5% of the true story, yet we subconsciously alter our self-worth depending on what we see others portray.

If we start our day by looking at our emails, we are allowing other people to set our agenda for the day (that line was stolen from Tim Ferriss). The same could be said for whatsapp messages. Ofcourse we all want to respond to each other as quickly as possible, but sometimes there is genuine opportunity cost to real life relationships or productivity in getting engrossed in a text back-and-forth – especially if that text chat is with our friend who we’re seeing tomorrow anyway.

I believe, as a society, we are struggling to live in the moment. I believe we are struggling to be truly happy because we are struggling to be truly present.  I truly believe that if we can be more present, we can see more beauty in everyday experiences and live much richer lives. This might sound like fluffy nonsense, but I believe it wholeheartedly.  

As mentioned before, this is something I have struggled with for a while. My greatest weakness (next to terrible direction skills ofcourse) is that I overthink everything. I guess overthinking things makes me a good storyteller, or entertaining to listen to if you’re a therapist, but in every other sense it’s a nightmare. I digress. Being too immersed in the digital world with 150 daily phone glances only makes it worse. 

If you feel that you have experienced similar challenges about living in the moment, I recommend considering a digital detox of sorts. I’ve heard of several examples. Find whatever works for you. I have dabbled with some and have had great benefits (still in progress) – I guarantee you will feel liberated.

• ·         Put your phone on airplane mode when out with friends, or on a date
• ·         Don’t look at any emails before you’re at the office; then only look at emails at set periods every few hours so that you set your own agenda for your time
• ·         Put your phone on airplane mode after dinner until after breakfast (recommended by Arianna Huffington and Tim Ferriss; apparently helps improve sleep and to start the day at your own pace)
• ·         Set aside time in the day specifically for social media or whatsapp; preferably when you’re alone
• ·         Screenless Saturdays (as an example; also stolen from Tim Ferriss) – one day in the week with phone on airplane mode, for the whole day… Just you and the people around you. Terrifying prospect for us.

I guess a piece like this requires some kind of call to action. So here it is...
Enjoy social media, enjoy technology. I absolute love it. But appreciate and love the people around you everyday even more. If life is made of a series of moments, we will cherish the moments we build with friends and family more than we will our moments liking a post or favouriting a tweet.

But thanks to social media you’re reading this, so it’s not all bad, right?

Impatient for Patience

Patience.

Something I am still striving for.  Something I still lack.
Impatient for patience.

All we can do is chip away. Do what we believe is the right thing. Follow our convictions.

Work. Goals. Relationships. Impact. Dreams.

Have a vision. Chip away, be patient and believe.

Anything worthwhile is worth waiting for… Worth fighting for.

Perform. Patience. Repeat.

We must be impatient in fighting for what we want. And be patient in letting it happen.

It will come. And it will be so much more valuable because you’ve waited for it. You’ve fought for it.

Have a vision. Chip away, be patient and believe. 

What's The Worst Thing That Can Happen?

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

We all want to live a certain lifestyle, pursue a certain dream – but why do we put it off?
Is it because deep down, we don’t believe we deserve it?

Are we scared of success?

We talk ourselves out of pursuing our wildest dreams, because of fear, because of uncertainty.

We have that idea – that idea that can change an industry, or better yet – create an industry and impact lives at a large scale, but we don’t pursue it because of uncertainty. We tell ourselves 1 more year, 1 more year – maybe next year we’ll pursue that dream. However as time goes on, our expenses naturally increase and it subtlely, gradually, becomes more difficult for us to do something mad. We seek the perfect moment. The perfect moment never comes.

We need to act on that dream while the fire is burning an inferno in the heart. There is no perfect moment.

What is the worst thing that can happen?

Lose all your money:
Great. Cut down your lifestyle. Sell an asset. Prove to yourself you don’t need possessions to be happy. Become a minimalist. Get a part-time job for a few hours a week. Get a loan. Seek investment.

 

Get kicked out of your house / apartment:
Great. If your family doesn't support you, or you can't find a cheap enough place to stay in - You’ve got friends who believe in you, who believe in your dream, they’ll give you a couch.

Fail:
Great. You’ve learnt better lessons than an MBA will ever give you. You’ve made new connections. You’ve just empowered yourself to be able to succeed next time. Use your new network and new learnings to start a new business or join a startup you resonate with. If you need to go back to corporate, this experience will make you more hire-able. What if people think you’re a failure? Those people let the uncertainty cripple them, and they’re looking for validation that they did the right thing by not pursuing their dreams. They won’t tell you this, but they’ll respect and even admire the path you’ve taken – failure or not. And even if you fail here, you’ll succeed next time.  Nothing lost. Possibility of everything gained.

Someone somewhere who was probably very wise once said: “Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t.”

 

Accept uncertainty now for certainty tomorrow. Or accept unhappiness or even just mild discontentment forever, wondering “what if?”.

This is not just for entrepreneurship. This goes for a life of travel. This goes for a life of pursuing a profession that many would consider “strange”. This goes for any goal or dream that goes against the status quo.

Follow your conviction.

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

White Blank Page (aka: Business is Exciting)

Are you thinking of starting a new business? Do you already have a startup in its infancy?

You are blessed with a white blank page in which all “rules” of running a conventional business need not apply to you. Every single conventional business leadership structure or process can be re-imagined or cast aside. If that doesn’t get your juices flowing, you’re either reading the wrong blog, or haven’t had enough Monday morning coffee.

Caution: This is not a call to challenge for challenge sake – no – but challenge convention so that we can find a way for employees to not just find their jobs bearable, but dare I say, enjoyable? We should seek to understand why we do what we do… if it makes sense, it sticks – if not, we get rid. Ricardo Semler talks about asking a business process question 3 times – if the answer is still logical after 3 interrogations – it sticks.

Why should we wear suits and ties?

Why are rigid 8-5 work hours necessary?

Why should we measure ourselves on total hours per week rather than general performance?

Why should we all work at the same place?

Why do big meetings have to be in private meeting rooms?

Why can’t we trust each other to manage ourselves?

Why should innovations be halted by layers of hierarchy?

Why can’t we be transparent about our strategic decisions?

Why should we use persuasion techniques in our sales meetings rather than being honest?

Whether your company only has 1 employee – or even just you as the daring solopreneur you are, this is the perfect time to take a stand about the working world you want to create - A canvas to paint the future of the working world.

If we start doing things our way; a way that doesn’t take itself too seriously; A way that makes sense in the 21^st century for ambitious young adults; We can then start to influence other companies around us to make similar decisions.

What is the end goal here?

We can lead the charge of having happier, more enriched individuals who feel a harmony in their work–life balance. We can build a world in which we no longer desperately crave Fridays, to no longer be filled with a pit of anxiety on Sundays, and to no longer talk about work serving the sole purpose of “oh well, it pays the bills bru” (a bizarrely common painful small-talk chat in bathroom urinals, corporates worldwide).

Starting from a base of zero, we each have the opportunity to create organizations of enriched employees, who are empowered to see their work as a catalyst for their life’s goals, and their life as a catalyst for their work goals. 

Importantly, if we treat employees with respect and autonomy, the client will always be the biggest winner. This coincides with Richard Branson’s view: Employees first.

As future / budding entrepreneurs, we should be willing to risk everything we are, and everything we hope to be on these principles.

There are so many quotes that could be used to conclude here, but rather than going the clichéd route, I believe it’s more fitting to simply re-iterate the value of questioning everything 3 times (valuable in life decisions as much as in business):

Why do we do it?
So why do we do that?
Should we still do that?

If it doesn’t make sense after the 3^rd question: Get rid of it.

Have a boss Monday!

March Madness: A Badly Named Social Experiment

What would you do if it wasn’t hard?
Who would you be if you weren’t afraid?

I fall into the trap of being comfortable with being comfortable more often than I should ever be comfortable to admit. There’s a lot of comfort in that sentence. That’s the problem.

How do we challenge ourselves to break the cycle?

“Do one thing every day that scares you” I do believe Eleanor Roosevelt may be wise enough to trust on this matter…  Without knowing much (anything) about her, she has one of those impressive names I just fearlessly trust.

As per Eleanor’s instruction, that was the task I set myself on March 1.
For 10 days: To do something each day that I would do if I was a better version of myself - a version of myself that doesn’t care what people think, a version that acts on instinctive gut feel, a version that lives in the moment.

The goal: 
Get used to rejection, get used to being uncomfortable, and learn to listen to instinct.
Also, on a lighter note, what fun is there to life if we can't do mad social experiments every now and then?

So, in no particular order, these are some of the requests and acts I embarked upon in my March Madness (disclaimer: what I found out-of-the-ordinary may be completely normal for others... it is entirely possible that I'm just really shy or something)

• Asked for a tour of a kitchen at a restaurant

The waitress was confused, no, perplexed, by this request. I was surprised by how surprised she was – a few seconds of awkward humans sitting around surprised looking at each other – if that’s not the makings of a good night, I don’t know what is. When the waitress had gathered her thoughts, she said “no-one has ever asked this before”.   She may or may not have thought we were health inspectors sceptical of the cleanliness of the kitchen.  She disappeared for a few minutes and told us that we could not do a kitchen tour because of how busy it is, but we are welcome to have a kitchen tour in the morning. Box ticked as a rejection, but box simultaneously checked as a moment of stepping away from normal routine conversation – the start of something interesting.

• Asked to be taught how to make a pizza at a pizzeria

Couldn’t have gone smoother – we are allowed behind the counter, asked to wash our hands, and get down and dirty with pizza ingredients and some behind-the-scenes learnings. Who knew a pizza oven could hold 15 pizzas at once, and that it takes 5 minutes per pizza? Success.

• Asked to be taught how to bake croissants at a bakery

This bakery happen to not bake their own baked goods. A bakery with bakers that don’t bake? Who would have thought? They sheepishly admit that they have never baked anything and they couldn’t teach me to bake if they tried. A candid moment, but a disappointing one.

• Asked for a 20% discount at bowling

I need to become a better negotiator. I have learnt this about myself. Business, life, relationship – it’s one big negotiation, one big compromise. What’s a good way to learn this? Ask for discounts at the most random opportunities. One major learning I’ve had over the last few months is that price is often so much more negotiable than we realize. I digress – the lady behind the counter was not having my newly adorned negotiation skills for one second – I was dismissed out of hand. No discount of any nature for me. I ended up losing the game miserably, in case you were wondering.

• Tried to buy the grocery store cashier her favourite item in the store

I’m not a big fan of the colourless, emotionless usual routine at a grocery store of ringing up products, swiping the card and walking off. It’s a 2 minute interaction between two humans yet we so often just let that pass us by lost in our own minds, completing the transaction with an empty “have a good day”. This was going to be another one of those instances, until I awkwardly broke that by asking the cashier “what’s your favourite thing in the whole store?” Her reply – “Prawn Cocktail chips – why?”.  In that moment, I knew what I had to do. I told her to wait there, and dashed to the unhealthy aisle to pick up a packet of said chips, and dashed back past bewildered shoppers in the queue to place the chips down, and asked her to ring it up. She was giggling nervously – perhaps wandering my intention. I asked her again to ring it up, and that she could save it for after her shift. She proceeded to tell me that she would get fired if she accepted this, because of the cameras up above. I immediately felt really bad to have put her in this uncomfortable position. I paid for my groceries, high-fived her, and walked off with a bolt of adrenaline to the heart, having nearly got a perfectly good young employee fired.  Silly? Yes. Fun? Absolutely.

• Had lunch with an ex-girlfriend

Need I say more?

• Had my first Spanish conversation

When one has been learning Spanish for 10 days, one should have been practicing speaking Spanish for 10 days. Or so some say. With a mere vocabulary of “trescientos palabras” (300 words), I engaged on my first full Spanish conversation – it was terrifying, it was fun, I made no sense whatsoever – but most importantly – I got the shot in the arm needed to keep going, believing I can do this.

• Cold-called my top 5 highest value potential clients

For some reason I had been putting this off. I had emailed about 150 potential clients. I had called about 40 potential clients. But I couldn’t stomach the idea of calling the clients that could tangibly make a difference to my business if the calls and subsequent proposals were successful. I constantly ask myself – Is that fear of rejection, or fear of success? Well, on this day, I called these prospective clients, had great conversations, and have been following up since. Who knows where this ends up, but it feels fantastic to have initiated something I had been putting off unreasonably for so long. Another box ticked.

• Initiated conversation with 5 strangers at an event

Networking events are supposed to be networking events. The only slight problem is that people are terrified of networking. Naturely, we enjoy sticking to the groups we arrived in. Despite our best intention to socialize with others, human nature is to seek comfort when faced with discomfort. When initiating these conversations, I discarded the overdone “what do you do?” question and tried to understand the person without typecasting a certain job to a certain personality type. I hope to one day remove “what do you do?” from my vocabulary. I also hope to one day have a good answer for the question myself. Until now, the answer of “dentist for dogs” or “I train dogs to walk on their hind legs” has only got me so far.

• Gave my favourite book of the year to a stranger

This terrified me. I bought the book… and walked around the mall aimlessly for a few minutes looking for the “perfect person” to give it to.

I told myself:

When I see a 30 year old man I’ll give it to him…
But he must have a friendly face ..
And he can’t be too close to other people, because I don’t want witnesses to the awkwardness…
And he should be leaving the mall so that I don’t inconvenience him with something to carry around… 

Needless to say, the perfect opportunity never came. By the time I got to my car, there was no magical unicorn of a human awaiting an approach by a stranger – I had to create that moment. I drove away sheepishly, realizing that in life there is no perfect time to do anything – we have to create the perfect time, we have to make an imperfect moment the perfect moment to take an opportunity. The next day I summoned the courage to go back to the mall, walked straight to the nearest coffee shop, and interrupted a lovely middle-aged American lady’s coffee to ask her if I could bestow upon her one of my favourite books. I told her that I included the receipt in case she didn’t like it, but that it impacted me and I hope it impacts her equally. She went on to get tears in her eyes, and told me that the timing of this is so perfect, because she recently left her job and is about to pursue a new career back in USA.  This one really hit me. It felt like inserting contact lenses into a long blurry eye… a refreshed clarity on the joy of basic interactions.

So now that your coffee is finished, you’re late for gym, and you’re wondering whether you should read on – here I will try to extract some lessons from this whirlwind in as short form as possible.

Lesson 1:
There is no such thing as the perfect time to do something you want to do. Create the opportunity.

Lesson 2:
Doing strange things is fun. There is something about stepping out being spontaneous that reminds us that we are alive – that we are in control – and that there is potential beauty in each moment

Lesson 3:
Actively going out to get rejected is the best way to cure fear of rejection

Lesson 4:
Allowing ourselves to occasionally act on gut instinct or impulse rather than over-analysing situations can be liberating, and can result in true joy

Lesson 5:
There is opportunity in every interaction to challenge ourselves and grow.

Lesson 6:
Some people find it easy to do bold societally strange things – but for the rest of us, the ability to challenge societal norms is like a muscle we can build with practice


So that was my experience. I won’t necessarily be doing this every day for the rest of my life (I’m sure the acts would get crazier and crazier until I’m eventually walking across volcanic lava completely naked – no-one wants to see that), but I certainly have been awakened to the fun of spontaneous action.

We are so often anxiously concerned about the future. We are so often miserably transfixed with the past. How do we get joy in the present? We’re all figuring it out, but maybe, maybe, if we train ourselves to see opportunity and do something that scares us more often, we can get a step closer to that joy.

Hasta luego

Create Magic

“Delight others. Make a connection.” - Adam Robinson (fascinating guy – long-time friend of Warren Buffet and Bobby Fischer – 2 of the best in their respective fields, ever).

Delight others.
Make a connection.

Every single interaction is an opportunity to delight.

Going to a pitch? Don’t sell the product. Delight the potential client. Connect with them.
Texting a friend or loved one? Delight her. Delight him. Connect.

All interaction touch points – delight, connect.

I’m willing to bet we each have at least 20 interaction touch points per day – between real life family, friends, colleagues and random strangers, as well as their digital counterparts we engage with on social media. That’s 20 opportunities to delight or connect on a daily basis.

Too often, we play games. We only act positively if we are treated positively. We have a chip on our collective societal shoulder. But why? What if we could change that? Go first – delight, connect.

We each have 20 opportunities a day to “create magic” (as Adam Robinson would say).

That’s a pretty cool way of looking at life. I am stupidly self-absorbed and too often caught in my own mind, so these words here are specifically targeted at my own thick head. The joys of blogging, eh?

So, let’s take focus off ourselves, and let’s make life an exciting series of opportunities to create magic with others.

Billboard: "It Won't Make You Happy"

Let’s say you get it.

The promotion you’re after.
The flashy BMW.
The sexy apartment, house, jet.
The *insert x brand here*.

Will it make you happy?

Let’s say you get the status symbol you seek. Does it tick the boxes others have set for you to be successful? Are you simply pleased that they’re pleased with what you’ve accomplished? 

Perhaps, a hollow joy.

Or are you pleased… truly meaningfully pleased?

Derek Sivers, when asked, “what would you put on a billboard?” answered simply with:
‘It won’t make you happy’ referring specifically to any form of “retail therapy” – on a big and small scale.

Don’t get me wrong. Western measures of success can be stimulating, and to some, can provide genuine personal happiness. That is what we are after – making decisions that lead to an authentic joy for reasons that are right for you.

But I have noticed a trend in myself. A terrifying trend. A trend that makes me question my own make-up as a strong-willed individual. I frequently, instinctively, default to choose a big brand or popular choice rather than something that “feels right” purely because of public perception of success. I have to actively identify this instinct, challenge it, and try figure out my reasons for the decision.

Most of the time, I find more personal joy from choosing the road less travelled, the road with more unknowns, and the road more puzzling to the masses - A sense of empowerment; autonomy; that anything is possible.

What if we could choose the right thing for us, rather than the right thing for what others want for us; expect for us; or set for us as success?

Do it to make yourself happy – not because it looks like success to those around you.
Being personally happy and helping others - That to me, is a successful life.

Clean Slate: The first day of a new year

I've been thinking a lot about the value of experience and experiences.

What good is an achievement if the process of achieving hasn't improved you as a person?
What good is a degree if you haven't learnt anything?
What good is a relationship if you haven't become a better partner?

On that note.

What good was 2016 if we can't be better in 2017?
Where is the value in one day if we can't use that experience to be better the next?

If you look at Facebook right now, the negativity around 2016 will make you choke on your rusk and spill your coffee. Status after status about how we are so happy to see the back of 2016. We default to the lowlights of the year, the disappointments and the "world is falling apart" view.

Then we make new year's resolutions that we don't stick to. We do the same next year, over and over. We do it because it's normal, not because it works.

I propose a different way of doing things.

Let's reflect on 2016.
Let's reflect on the highlights. Our favourite events and experiences.
Let's reflect on the bold decisions we made. The choices that made us feel alive.

Let's look at the experiences that enriched our lives. The experiences that challenged us and made us dig deep to understand ourselves. Let's reminisce on those experiences - take active lessons from them to make us better people going into the new year.

So, 2017.

Our glass should be so full of hope that it spills over and messes our proverbial jeans. Let's be stupidly ambitious.

Why can't we make this year our own?
Why can't we achieve our 10 year plan in the next 365 days?

Let's be excited. A clean slate. Every mistake you made in 2016 no longer exists.

We go again...