March Madness: A Badly Named Social Experiment

What would you do if it wasn’t hard?
Who would you be if you weren’t afraid?

I fall into the trap of being comfortable with being comfortable more often than I should ever be comfortable to admit. There’s a lot of comfort in that sentence. That’s the problem.

How do we challenge ourselves to break the cycle?

“Do one thing every day that scares you” I do believe Eleanor Roosevelt may be wise enough to trust on this matter…  Without knowing much (anything) about her, she has one of those impressive names I just fearlessly trust.

As per Eleanor’s instruction, that was the task I set myself on March 1.
For 10 days: To do something each day that I would do if I was a better version of myself - a version of myself that doesn’t care what people think, a version that acts on instinctive gut feel, a version that lives in the moment.

The goal: 
Get used to rejection, get used to being uncomfortable, and learn to listen to instinct.
Also, on a lighter note, what fun is there to life if we can't do mad social experiments every now and then?

So, in no particular order, these are some of the requests and acts I embarked upon in my March Madness (disclaimer: what I found out-of-the-ordinary may be completely normal for others... it is entirely possible that I'm just really shy or something)

• Asked for a tour of a kitchen at a restaurant

The waitress was confused, no, perplexed, by this request. I was surprised by how surprised she was – a few seconds of awkward humans sitting around surprised looking at each other – if that’s not the makings of a good night, I don’t know what is. When the waitress had gathered her thoughts, she said “no-one has ever asked this before”.   She may or may not have thought we were health inspectors sceptical of the cleanliness of the kitchen.  She disappeared for a few minutes and told us that we could not do a kitchen tour because of how busy it is, but we are welcome to have a kitchen tour in the morning. Box ticked as a rejection, but box simultaneously checked as a moment of stepping away from normal routine conversation – the start of something interesting.

• Asked to be taught how to make a pizza at a pizzeria

Couldn’t have gone smoother – we are allowed behind the counter, asked to wash our hands, and get down and dirty with pizza ingredients and some behind-the-scenes learnings. Who knew a pizza oven could hold 15 pizzas at once, and that it takes 5 minutes per pizza? Success.

• Asked to be taught how to bake croissants at a bakery

This bakery happen to not bake their own baked goods. A bakery with bakers that don’t bake? Who would have thought? They sheepishly admit that they have never baked anything and they couldn’t teach me to bake if they tried. A candid moment, but a disappointing one.

• Asked for a 20% discount at bowling

I need to become a better negotiator. I have learnt this about myself. Business, life, relationship – it’s one big negotiation, one big compromise. What’s a good way to learn this? Ask for discounts at the most random opportunities. One major learning I’ve had over the last few months is that price is often so much more negotiable than we realize. I digress – the lady behind the counter was not having my newly adorned negotiation skills for one second – I was dismissed out of hand. No discount of any nature for me. I ended up losing the game miserably, in case you were wondering.

• Tried to buy the grocery store cashier her favourite item in the store

I’m not a big fan of the colourless, emotionless usual routine at a grocery store of ringing up products, swiping the card and walking off. It’s a 2 minute interaction between two humans yet we so often just let that pass us by lost in our own minds, completing the transaction with an empty “have a good day”. This was going to be another one of those instances, until I awkwardly broke that by asking the cashier “what’s your favourite thing in the whole store?” Her reply – “Prawn Cocktail chips – why?”.  In that moment, I knew what I had to do. I told her to wait there, and dashed to the unhealthy aisle to pick up a packet of said chips, and dashed back past bewildered shoppers in the queue to place the chips down, and asked her to ring it up. She was giggling nervously – perhaps wandering my intention. I asked her again to ring it up, and that she could save it for after her shift. She proceeded to tell me that she would get fired if she accepted this, because of the cameras up above. I immediately felt really bad to have put her in this uncomfortable position. I paid for my groceries, high-fived her, and walked off with a bolt of adrenaline to the heart, having nearly got a perfectly good young employee fired.  Silly? Yes. Fun? Absolutely.

• Had lunch with an ex-girlfriend

Need I say more?

• Had my first Spanish conversation

When one has been learning Spanish for 10 days, one should have been practicing speaking Spanish for 10 days. Or so some say. With a mere vocabulary of “trescientos palabras” (300 words), I engaged on my first full Spanish conversation – it was terrifying, it was fun, I made no sense whatsoever – but most importantly – I got the shot in the arm needed to keep going, believing I can do this.

• Cold-called my top 5 highest value potential clients

For some reason I had been putting this off. I had emailed about 150 potential clients. I had called about 40 potential clients. But I couldn’t stomach the idea of calling the clients that could tangibly make a difference to my business if the calls and subsequent proposals were successful. I constantly ask myself – Is that fear of rejection, or fear of success? Well, on this day, I called these prospective clients, had great conversations, and have been following up since. Who knows where this ends up, but it feels fantastic to have initiated something I had been putting off unreasonably for so long. Another box ticked.

• Initiated conversation with 5 strangers at an event

Networking events are supposed to be networking events. The only slight problem is that people are terrified of networking. Naturely, we enjoy sticking to the groups we arrived in. Despite our best intention to socialize with others, human nature is to seek comfort when faced with discomfort. When initiating these conversations, I discarded the overdone “what do you do?” question and tried to understand the person without typecasting a certain job to a certain personality type. I hope to one day remove “what do you do?” from my vocabulary. I also hope to one day have a good answer for the question myself. Until now, the answer of “dentist for dogs” or “I train dogs to walk on their hind legs” has only got me so far.

• Gave my favourite book of the year to a stranger

This terrified me. I bought the book… and walked around the mall aimlessly for a few minutes looking for the “perfect person” to give it to.

I told myself:

When I see a 30 year old man I’ll give it to him…
But he must have a friendly face ..
And he can’t be too close to other people, because I don’t want witnesses to the awkwardness…
And he should be leaving the mall so that I don’t inconvenience him with something to carry around… 

Needless to say, the perfect opportunity never came. By the time I got to my car, there was no magical unicorn of a human awaiting an approach by a stranger – I had to create that moment. I drove away sheepishly, realizing that in life there is no perfect time to do anything – we have to create the perfect time, we have to make an imperfect moment the perfect moment to take an opportunity. The next day I summoned the courage to go back to the mall, walked straight to the nearest coffee shop, and interrupted a lovely middle-aged American lady’s coffee to ask her if I could bestow upon her one of my favourite books. I told her that I included the receipt in case she didn’t like it, but that it impacted me and I hope it impacts her equally. She went on to get tears in her eyes, and told me that the timing of this is so perfect, because she recently left her job and is about to pursue a new career back in USA.  This one really hit me. It felt like inserting contact lenses into a long blurry eye… a refreshed clarity on the joy of basic interactions.

So now that your coffee is finished, you’re late for gym, and you’re wondering whether you should read on – here I will try to extract some lessons from this whirlwind in as short form as possible.

Lesson 1:
There is no such thing as the perfect time to do something you want to do. Create the opportunity.

Lesson 2:
Doing strange things is fun. There is something about stepping out being spontaneous that reminds us that we are alive – that we are in control – and that there is potential beauty in each moment

Lesson 3:
Actively going out to get rejected is the best way to cure fear of rejection

Lesson 4:
Allowing ourselves to occasionally act on gut instinct or impulse rather than over-analysing situations can be liberating, and can result in true joy

Lesson 5:
There is opportunity in every interaction to challenge ourselves and grow.

Lesson 6:
Some people find it easy to do bold societally strange things – but for the rest of us, the ability to challenge societal norms is like a muscle we can build with practice


So that was my experience. I won’t necessarily be doing this every day for the rest of my life (I’m sure the acts would get crazier and crazier until I’m eventually walking across volcanic lava completely naked – no-one wants to see that), but I certainly have been awakened to the fun of spontaneous action.

We are so often anxiously concerned about the future. We are so often miserably transfixed with the past. How do we get joy in the present? We’re all figuring it out, but maybe, maybe, if we train ourselves to see opportunity and do something that scares us more often, we can get a step closer to that joy.

Hasta luego

Create Magic

“Delight others. Make a connection.” - Adam Robinson (fascinating guy – long-time friend of Warren Buffet and Bobby Fischer – 2 of the best in their respective fields, ever).

Delight others.
Make a connection.

Every single interaction is an opportunity to delight.

Going to a pitch? Don’t sell the product. Delight the potential client. Connect with them.
Texting a friend or loved one? Delight her. Delight him. Connect.

All interaction touch points – delight, connect.

I’m willing to bet we each have at least 20 interaction touch points per day – between real life family, friends, colleagues and random strangers, as well as their digital counterparts we engage with on social media. That’s 20 opportunities to delight or connect on a daily basis.

Too often, we play games. We only act positively if we are treated positively. We have a chip on our collective societal shoulder. But why? What if we could change that? Go first – delight, connect.

We each have 20 opportunities a day to “create magic” (as Adam Robinson would say).

That’s a pretty cool way of looking at life. I am stupidly self-absorbed and too often caught in my own mind, so these words here are specifically targeted at my own thick head. The joys of blogging, eh?

So, let’s take focus off ourselves, and let’s make life an exciting series of opportunities to create magic with others.

Billboard: "It Won't Make You Happy"

Let’s say you get it.

The promotion you’re after.
The flashy BMW.
The sexy apartment, house, jet.
The *insert x brand here*.

Will it make you happy?

Let’s say you get the status symbol you seek. Does it tick the boxes others have set for you to be successful? Are you simply pleased that they’re pleased with what you’ve accomplished? 

Perhaps, a hollow joy.

Or are you pleased… truly meaningfully pleased?

Derek Sivers, when asked, “what would you put on a billboard?” answered simply with:
‘It won’t make you happy’ referring specifically to any form of “retail therapy” – on a big and small scale.

Don’t get me wrong. Western measures of success can be stimulating, and to some, can provide genuine personal happiness. That is what we are after – making decisions that lead to an authentic joy for reasons that are right for you.

But I have noticed a trend in myself. A terrifying trend. A trend that makes me question my own make-up as a strong-willed individual. I frequently, instinctively, default to choose a big brand or popular choice rather than something that “feels right” purely because of public perception of success. I have to actively identify this instinct, challenge it, and try figure out my reasons for the decision.

Most of the time, I find more personal joy from choosing the road less travelled, the road with more unknowns, and the road more puzzling to the masses - A sense of empowerment; autonomy; that anything is possible.

What if we could choose the right thing for us, rather than the right thing for what others want for us; expect for us; or set for us as success?

Do it to make yourself happy – not because it looks like success to those around you.
Being personally happy and helping others - That to me, is a successful life.

Clean Slate: The first day of a new year

I've been thinking a lot about the value of experience and experiences.

What good is an achievement if the process of achieving hasn't improved you as a person?
What good is a degree if you haven't learnt anything?
What good is a relationship if you haven't become a better partner?

On that note.

What good was 2016 if we can't be better in 2017?
Where is the value in one day if we can't use that experience to be better the next?

If you look at Facebook right now, the negativity around 2016 will make you choke on your rusk and spill your coffee. Status after status about how we are so happy to see the back of 2016. We default to the lowlights of the year, the disappointments and the "world is falling apart" view.

Then we make new year's resolutions that we don't stick to. We do the same next year, over and over. We do it because it's normal, not because it works.

I propose a different way of doing things.

Let's reflect on 2016.
Let's reflect on the highlights. Our favourite events and experiences.
Let's reflect on the bold decisions we made. The choices that made us feel alive.

Let's look at the experiences that enriched our lives. The experiences that challenged us and made us dig deep to understand ourselves. Let's reminisce on those experiences - take active lessons from them to make us better people going into the new year.

So, 2017.

Our glass should be so full of hope that it spills over and messes our proverbial jeans. Let's be stupidly ambitious.

Why can't we make this year our own?
Why can't we achieve our 10 year plan in the next 365 days?

Let's be excited. A clean slate. Every mistake you made in 2016 no longer exists.

We go again...

Finding yourself on the side of the Majority

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect”

People agree on things because people in the past agreed on things without knowing why they
agreed on things but because agreeing on things was the thing to do.

People agree on things because people are too lazy to grapple with the shades of grey.

People agree on things because it’s easy.

Who said that’s the right way?

Who said that’s the only way?

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect”

Challenge.

Why do you believe what you believe?

Your path is your path.

You are an artist with a fresh brush, pristine paint, and a clean canvas.

Paint the future you want.

One Young World - the Odyssey

Grab your coffee, your empanada, poutine or whatever morning treat your culture deems conducive to a good read... And by good I mean long, though hopefully good in the most literal sense. You be the judge.
Get comfy.

One Young World. 196 countries. One hundred and ninety six countries. Allow me to repeat that one more time; 1-9-6. That’s a lot of countries. Depending on who you ask, that’s pretty much every country in the world.

A lot of countries.

1300 young people. Young leaders. Young human beings who want the world of 2026 to be better than the world of 2016. Not only “want” it to be better, but most of whom are actively fighting each and every day to ensure that becomes a reality.

When you have six passionate people at one table, passionate people representing Guatemala, Japan, India, Mexico, Canada, South Africa (or any permutation of 196 countries) – you have possibility. What are the shared experiences of such vastly different countries? How can they challenge each other on media-led misconceptions? How can their vastly different perspectives demystify worldwide wicked problems? How can their networks be forged together to create a global super-force for good?

When you have young people from across the global, passionate, awakened, hungry – you have possibility.

That was One Young World.

Allow me to share some thoughts on the experience. Some may cogent, relevant and directly applicable to the summit. Hopefully most fall in that category. Others may be thoughts spurred on by the scenery, observations, conversations and the introspection and life lessons inferred thereof. Let’s commence…

We should start thinking "What world do you want to see?" What world would you create if you could? What world do you want to shape your life for? This thought was inspired by Professor Muhummad Yunus – a crazy man, crazy enough to follow his crazy beliefs and actually impact millions of lives because of it. Imagine thinking that a poor Bangladeshi uneducated woman can turn a $300 loan into a flourishing family business. Imagine being even crazier and giving that loan out, unsecured, without any intentions of getting anything back for it. Imagine doing it over and over again. That’s madness.

What can that teach us? If he can be crazy and follow his crazy convictions, why can’t we?

What is so crazy about envisioning the world we want to see and putting the steps in place to bring the world there? Surely we are not powerless and confined to living a shackled life? Surely we can imagine change, structure our lives around change, and bring change?

I believe we can. I believe many of us will.

There is something special about the notion of ‘different’. Different intrigues. Different entices. Different is mystery. Different is scarce because it is finite compared to that which we have grown accustomed. And we all know the power of scarcity. Beyond that, however, different begets different – if we expose ourselves to others with perceptions different to ourselves, we are forced to view life differently – to have information from all angles before forming an opinion.

Different is powerful.  I had breakfast with ridiculously cool people from Albania and Hong Kong. I spent countless hours bonding with incredible guys from Japan and Guatemala. I had an amazing dinner with funny and inspiring (in equal measure) young change-makers from Canada, Argentina, Thailand, Switzerland and India. It was different. It was eye-opening. Through this experience reveals the power of travel. The power of exposing ourselves to the notion of ‘different’. Different countries, systems, structures, processes, cultures, people, and opinions – Imagine the potential.

Embrace different – let different ignite something in you.

Meeting new people is difficult. Nobody likes clichés. “Nice to meet you.” “Mucho gusto”. “Muito prazer”. “What do you do?” “What are you studying?” Same old pleasantries, small talk, platitudes, the need to impress. Some people like to be guarded stone-cold-shells until you have peeled them away. That works for some, it’s even cultural for many. However, I have seen intangible but very real value in some level of vulnerability. Exposing full personality and sense of humour early on in conversation is key to building a genuine connection. Show who you are and others will show who they are. Networking situations can be very tense, forced or awkward. Most are reluctant to take the mask off first. If we are bold enough to take that step, others will follow our lead, and a connection is accelerated.

Want to catalyse an acquaintanceship into a friendship in just a few minutes? Simply be real and connect – that’s what life is about.

As a tourist, I think we find it much easier to engage with people because of the novelty, and because we are already out of our comfort zone. Also, we have that “in” that makes initiating a conversation so much easier – the intriguing accent, the backstory of “this is my first time here – *insert tourist question here*”. Back to the ‘different’ thought process mentioned earlier. Should this always be the case? I want to engage more wherever I am. In daily routine life, we are constantly in a rush. We don’t see the opportunity for a story in the everyday people we meet. We are desensitized. From this experience I have learnt there is potential beauty in any chance conversation with a stranger. Making people smile, laugh or learning their story can be beautiful whether abroad or at home.

I want to remember that and “live like a tourist” all the time.

It appears many ambitious young people face the opportunity cost problem. What if I study or accept a job overseas? Great for career but terrible for existing relationships. What's more important? What if I am a CEO? Great to impact but difficult as a family man. What if I am a great husband? Difficult to be a great CEO too? Why have so many top leaders in society cheated on their loved ones? I don’t want to be at risk of an empty adulterous life if it means being a top-level influencer. Can you only be a great family person or a great career person? I don't have any answers. I can only recommend a book called ‘How will you measure your life’ by Clayton Christensen. As young people, budding young leaders, we must ponder this question, grapple with every dimension of it, because I fear all too often that I will measure my life by the incorrect things, if incorrect measurements even exist. Do we want to be admired by many and loved by few? Or do we want to be loved by many and admired by few? Is that an entirely misguided way of even looking at it? Is it perhaps more about how many and how deeply we have loved? Do we want to measure our impact by the depth of our influence or the volume of our influence?

Now that you are completely overwhelmed by the torrent of rhetorical questions, I hope you have a buffet for thought - and please, enlighten me when you have the answers – definite or not.

Inequality. The great bane of society’s existence. If you look at any civil war, any rebel faction, and any uprising, the common root cause seems to always be directly or indirectly the result of socioeconomic inequality. We solve this, we solve a lot. How do we do this without becoming an oppressive shackled communist society? I wish I was more answer than question. Alas, I hope someone much smarter than me reads this and has the solution.

One final life-thing that has come to me since One Young World is this – I’m not sure it is possible to be truly happy unless all key facets of your life are pulling in the same direction. Remember earlier I spoke of structuring our lives towards the world we want to create? If we have a particular passion and we commit the vast majority of our days contrary to that passion – how are we supposed to feel fulfilled, and how are we supposed to create that world we envision?

So there it is. Words. Thoughts. Expressions. I have been and will continue to grapple with many of these until the day I leave this planet. Oh… One Young World also touched on the not-so-small matters of refugees, extremism, peace and security, education, global business, gender equality, LBGTQ and mental health too. Some would say that was the whole point of the summit. I always knew the world was a complex place. This experience made me realize the world is a very complex place.  

To close off, I think the greatest realization of many realizations is this:

It doesn’t have to be my fight to fight the fight. I am busy. Self-absorbed and consumed by daily routine. But I am privileged and there is a lot I can do with that.

I am male, but I can combat gender inequality.
I am white, but I can combat racism.
I am heterosexual, but I can combat homophobia.
I am not directly affected by extremism, nor am I directly affected by many of the social issues of this world.
If those not affected step up for those that are, we, as a society, can make major steps, strides, leaps forward.

We are often frustrated by the political landscape in our respective countries, but One Young Wold revealed to me how we, as young people with bold convictions, have the power to effect change.

So let’s leverage the network effect.
Let’s catalyse each other’s projects and passions into progress.

The Unreasonables

I read this quote on Friday, one I have seen before but not never pondered.
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." George Bernard Shaw

Be reasonable. Adapt to the world. Live a good life.
There is literally nothing wrong with that. This leads to a world that most consider functional.
"The normal way".

Be unreasonable. Get frustrated often by the way things are. Refuse to accept those frustrations.
Ask why a lot. Confuse people with your convictions.
Get called "mad", "bizarre"... "a dreamer".

The unreasonable see the need for change because the world does not fit into their crazy idealism. They see their crazy idealism as "normal". The unreasonable not only create products; they create markets. They see what you and I need and want before we know we need and want it. They create it, then they make us need and want it. They move the world forward.

You didn't know you needed Uber.
On an arbitrary evening in 2008, Travis Kalanick and Garret Camp had difficulty calling a cab.
A common frustration we previously accepted.
They didn't adapt themselves to a frustrating world, they adapted the world to them. Uber.
You didn't know you need Uber. Now you do. Market created, the world moves forward.

What are your main frustrations in the world? Have you adapted to them?
Ask yourself, are you unreasonable? Can you use your frustration to drive the world forward?