A Digital Detox: How To Live In The Moment

Wake up, check your whatsapp messages. Respond.

You see that you have notifications for some work emails. You read them and notice a tiny anxious knot in your stomach before you’re even out of bed.

You’re in traffic. You sneak a peek at your Facebook notifications.

You’re in a queue at your office canteen. The perfect moment to check who liked your latest Instagram post.

You just spoke to an asshole client. To unwind, you watch your friends’ latest Snapchat stories.

You’ve reached a dead end on your proposal. Just a quick look at your phone to see if she’s responded yet.

You’re at lunch with friends. You check your whatsapp to see when your friend was last online and why they haven’t responded to you. To deal with the frustration, you do a quick browse again of your Facebook newsfeed without even noticing. All while your friends sit there, at the lunch table. “I am listening”, you say.

You’re at a concert of your favourite band. You’re loving it. But you’re observing it through your phone’s screen as you record the performance to post on Facebook later.

You’re back home with your loved ones, watching TV to unwind. Ready for some quality time. What better time than to respond to your unread whatsapp messages? One response turns into an hour long conversation, which turns into a two hour conversation. Not the best quality time you’ve ever had.

Attention not only diverted, but immersed in the digital world.  

The above describes a normal day for me. The above describes a day for the average millennial. Michelle Klein of Facebook has stated that the average millennial checks their phone over 150 times a day. Don’t get me wrong, I love social media as much as the next guy, and see immense value in it.

I just worry that we, as a society, tend to prioritize the people we are not with over the people who are present with us in a given moment. We tend to prioritize the illusion of people’s lives that social media presents, over the reality of lives that we experience on a day to day basis.

Here’s another pattern I’ve noticed in my own life:

I’m happy and I’m present and engaging in the conversation with those around me. I unlock my phone, do a quick browse of Facebook, notice the bright smiles, incredible achievements, dream weddings, paradise holidays and the impenetrable bliss of my friends. Although happy for everyone, I think it’s human nature to immediately compare, and to tend towards feeling negative about ourselves.  This is why I call it an illusion, because we tend to post snapshots of our best times on social media. What we see on the digital world is maybe 5% of the true story, yet we subconsciously alter our self-worth depending on what we see others portray.

If we start our day by looking at our emails, we are allowing other people to set our agenda for the day (that line was stolen from Tim Ferriss). The same could be said for whatsapp messages. Ofcourse we all want to respond to each other as quickly as possible, but sometimes there is genuine opportunity cost to real life relationships or productivity in getting engrossed in a text back-and-forth – especially if that text chat is with our friend who we’re seeing tomorrow anyway.

I believe, as a society, we are struggling to live in the moment. I believe we are struggling to be truly happy because we are struggling to be truly present.  I truly believe that if we can be more present, we can see more beauty in everyday experiences and live much richer lives. This might sound like fluffy nonsense, but I believe it wholeheartedly.  

As mentioned before, this is something I have struggled with for a while. My greatest weakness (next to terrible direction skills ofcourse) is that I overthink everything. I guess overthinking things makes me a good storyteller, or entertaining to listen to if you’re a therapist, but in every other sense it’s a nightmare. I digress. Being too immersed in the digital world with 150 daily phone glances only makes it worse. 

If you feel that you have experienced similar challenges about living in the moment, I recommend considering a digital detox of sorts. I’ve heard of several examples. Find whatever works for you. I have dabbled with some and have had great benefits (still in progress) – I guarantee you will feel liberated.

• ·         Put your phone on airplane mode when out with friends, or on a date
• ·         Don’t look at any emails before you’re at the office; then only look at emails at set periods every few hours so that you set your own agenda for your time
• ·         Put your phone on airplane mode after dinner until after breakfast (recommended by Arianna Huffington and Tim Ferriss; apparently helps improve sleep and to start the day at your own pace)
• ·         Set aside time in the day specifically for social media or whatsapp; preferably when you’re alone
• ·         Screenless Saturdays (as an example; also stolen from Tim Ferriss) – one day in the week with phone on airplane mode, for the whole day… Just you and the people around you. Terrifying prospect for us.

I guess a piece like this requires some kind of call to action. So here it is...
Enjoy social media, enjoy technology. I absolute love it. But appreciate and love the people around you everyday even more. If life is made of a series of moments, we will cherish the moments we build with friends and family more than we will our moments liking a post or favouriting a tweet.

But thanks to social media you’re reading this, so it’s not all bad, right?